well, hello there.

no, my absence from blogging was not planned. it just kinda happened as many chaotic things pushed into my life. & things range from life changing to the very boring...& i didn't think they needed to be cataloged this way, via blog. i mean, really, do you want to know that i have spent a few hours this summer contemplating whether to let wild violets & clover grow freely in my backyard flower gardens?

see? boring to most!

the more life shattering things/events are a bit private & discretion is necessary. nope, i'm not knocked up or terminally ill. but depression did settle on me like a thick coating of humidity--which was also very present this summer. *yuck* to both.

so i'm just going to jump back into blogging...i've missed posting & then reading my distant friend's posts religiously. i've been watching downton abbey (okay, wes watches it with me! & now when he passes me my coffee or whatever says something very noble like: here is your coffee, my lady.) & it's interesting how everyone keeps in touch via letters. blogs are nearly like letters, but not as personal. so i'm making it a plan to blog & also write to folks more... anyway, here's what's went on with the gerbick clan, with awards given out (yes, my girls loved the olympics):

• most awesome: my mom is cancer free. she went through one hell of a battle. i know she's tough but the fact that her hair began growing back weeks after chemo spells it out: T-O-U-G-H. i think now that cancer survivors & patients should re-write the 7 layers of hell, maybe something like hell on earth. she does have 3 more months of post-surgery chemo, then a few months of radiation after that--just to be sure. it's all fairly miraculous & ABBA has been with my family, with my mom...
• most bittersweet: griswold is gone. our dog of 8 1/2 years is living 3 houses down with another family. there has been this search of ours to rid the house of any minor stressors, so we can focus on the major ones. & sadly, grizzy was one of the little stressors. he would run away constantly, slipping through cracked open gates or doors, lightening speed. sometimes i would have to chase him down with kids all over me. other times i had to let him run because the nannied boy was napping. other times i didn't care, i wanted him to go run & have fun--wouldn't he always come back when hungry? but then most of our neighbors (not just next door, but streets & streets over) came to know him, would bring him back for me if needed. wes & i realized that griswold wasn't necessarily happy here, tired up in the backyard, getting one short walk a day--all wes could muster at 10:30 pm. & again, ABBA was here--he found griswold the perfect home with neighbors with older kids, a mom who walks nearly everywhere (& doesn't have fibromyalgia pain keeping her from walking the dog, as in my case). anyway: he is happy, oh so happy with them. we get to see him often, actually & it is wonderful knowing he is loved by so many.
• smallest change yielding big results: my parents spent the night one night during the stay-cation wes & i had in early july. my dad, an talented house painter, helped wes repaint the kitchen & den. it went from a beautiful, nearly haunting dark olive green to a cheerful & light ocean's blue-meets robin's egg. i love it. every time i come downstairs i feel like so many things are possible.
• didn't see this coming a year ago: i started a bakery. it's in-home baking, gluten free & in the very early stages. but i'm getting good reviews from those who have dared to try my new bakery treats...now i just need to get the word out, advertise & be more visible.
• most recent development that rocks: adeline learned within 15 to ride a two wheeler bike & has since tried to live her entire day on that bike. her ability to persevere & know what she wants & how to get it blows me away. 
• most difficult transition: amelia separating herself from toddler to preschooler, from cuddling to independence. *sigh* she is a force to be reckoned with: feisty & hilarious, with a streak of complete orneriness. also, her ability to make any song into a poop or butt song could rival anyone.
• most frustrating continuous problem: finances. i may also say something like, most horrible or most bitter or altogether shittiest. with general food prices rising constantly, gluten free food skyrocketing, preschool tuition rising (! wtf ?!), taxes rising, etc etc etc. i know the bullshit manipulative answer: be grateful wes has a job in this economy. that's one way to say: let's somehow be happy that wes can get screwed over because of the economy. i'm sorry, i know some folks who read this blog are co-workers & maybe you feel the same or maybe you don't ... 
• my recent change: based on a mutual decision, i recently stopped babysitting the 'nannied boy'. their 40 minute drive here was oppressive & i was moving towards the bakery as my wee income & voila! i believe we all miss each other, because i hear many times from the girls & myself: nannied boy would love this or that! & we received a very sweet video message from him the morning of addy's back to school day. amelia still said his name as one of the first to come to her very small birthday party.
• holy shit, parent-style moment: addy is going to kindergarten this year. her first day is tomorrow & i know i'm going to be a bucket of tears. she is beyond excited for this part of her life to start. she's even asking if she can skip grades, like my grandma hazel did, saying: i think i can be as smart as her once i learn to read. (newsflash: she can already read, but doesn't accept that reading a few letters in a row is reading. she wants to pull out a book & sit down & read it--you know, an adult book. i tell her some adults have trouble doing that, to give herself some credit!)

wes is renovating my great grandma's hoosier cabinet. i'm riding bikes with the girls (my balance has immensely improved over the past year after 9 months of yoga classes). i'm hiking myself out of depression with the help of a very wonderful & intense therapist, group of friends, & family (& books! faith sullivan, your books inspire change) & of course, ABBA has been there for me when i didn't even want him around at times. i'm finding myself reading a lot, baking much (the tightness of my undies prove that one! *smile*{sorry, dad, i know you didn't want to read that, egads}) & feeling even more free this past week to pursue my own interests. i'm sure my next post will be full of pictures (addy's first day of kindergarten, amelia's self-inflicted hair cut, etc) & hopefully it won't take me months...until then: