do not cry. not right now.
i was having a fine day at first. the girls slept in until 7:10, yea! hubby let me lie in bed until 7:30 while he got up with the munchkins. (thank you). i did some daily cleaning stuff, no biggie. check my mail. went into AN forum. didn't exit for quite a while. check other AN patient's blogs. & then the mantra started: do not cry, not right now.
i have to be a mom, cleaning & making lunches & doing nap times & such. today my struggle is if i'm making the right decision with having surgery over a form of radiation. all things to *try* not to worry about until i meet with my doctor on july 8th. he is willing to do either of them (surgery or radiation) but explained to me why surgery is best for me, my symptoms, my age, my tumor. AAHHHH. i just want to go back to last month when our biggest concern was addy's language delay & figuring out what the heck is eating our side veggie garden (still have no answer for that, but whatever it is has pretty much destroyed it).
i think i have been fairly absent with my mothering duties today. adeline is now pulling my hand away from the keyboard. then she moves to the slide, banging her legs into the side, making very loud noises & then she just stares at me with this smile that screams: come on, get outta your chair & come get me. she wants to fly to the moon on her swing outside. amelia is nicknamed 'clingon' today, as is clings-on-mama-constantly. i feel my kids reacting to my anxiety. griswold sleeps by my side of the bed at night. he lays down nearly on top of me when i'm on the floor. my kiddoes are suddenly wanting to be attached to me.
if only there was a way to tell the future, eh?
***
also, i totally forgot to post this! at amelia's 9 month (but nearly 10 month) check up, her stats are as follows:
20.9 pounds (71%)
28.0 inches (54%)
she is one giggly ball of hair & chunk. we also missed her 10 month birthday (last friday).
***
kids are opening & closing front door ??!!!?? must go
i was having a fine day at first. the girls slept in until 7:10, yea! hubby let me lie in bed until 7:30 while he got up with the munchkins. (thank you). i did some daily cleaning stuff, no biggie. check my mail. went into AN forum. didn't exit for quite a while. check other AN patient's blogs. & then the mantra started: do not cry, not right now.
i have to be a mom, cleaning & making lunches & doing nap times & such. today my struggle is if i'm making the right decision with having surgery over a form of radiation. all things to *try* not to worry about until i meet with my doctor on july 8th. he is willing to do either of them (surgery or radiation) but explained to me why surgery is best for me, my symptoms, my age, my tumor. AAHHHH. i just want to go back to last month when our biggest concern was addy's language delay & figuring out what the heck is eating our side veggie garden (still have no answer for that, but whatever it is has pretty much destroyed it).
i think i have been fairly absent with my mothering duties today. adeline is now pulling my hand away from the keyboard. then she moves to the slide, banging her legs into the side, making very loud noises & then she just stares at me with this smile that screams: come on, get outta your chair & come get me. she wants to fly to the moon on her swing outside. amelia is nicknamed 'clingon' today, as is clings-on-mama-constantly. i feel my kids reacting to my anxiety. griswold sleeps by my side of the bed at night. he lays down nearly on top of me when i'm on the floor. my kiddoes are suddenly wanting to be attached to me.
if only there was a way to tell the future, eh?
***
also, i totally forgot to post this! at amelia's 9 month (but nearly 10 month) check up, her stats are as follows:
20.9 pounds (71%)
28.0 inches (54%)
she is one giggly ball of hair & chunk. we also missed her 10 month birthday (last friday).
***
kids are opening & closing front door ??!!!?? must go
Remember, dear heart, you are not in this alone...... I read their blogs and am thankful they were honest, but, I wouldn't read too many in one day.... And I know of no one else who works harder at getting themselves back into shape -- you will overcome, lovey.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just thought little Amelia is every ounce of sweet!! (and every inch, too)
ReplyDeleteThe last time I held a baby that cuddled into you that much was you......
your momma is a wise woman. You will overcome.
ReplyDelete