sorting it all out

i've been trying to figure out what to post the past few weeks. should i divulge all the dirt going on or focus on the good? but that conversation i keep having with myself instead leaves me writing nothing for you, oh blog.

so let me just start fresh. *wipe, squeak*  there we have it: a clean slate...now you will know it all! maybe i'll do a few top 10's for kicks.

shittiest things to happen since i last posted

1. i'm on prednisone, a steroid. watch out world, i bite.
2. i have lost my will to play whirly word on my ipod. i'm not sure what's happening with my addiction to the game, but it's left me not able to fall asleep as easily...aren't addictions supposed to be difficult to break?!
3. that horrible diet altering cleanse i was doing...well, it didn't really help. giving up all that for 3 weeks & drinking that garbage/ass tasting beverage stuff was not really worth it!
4. i spent nearly an entire day in the emergency room (2 weeks ago). reason: extreme vision loss in one eye. headaches.
5. it was discovered that i am highly sensitive or allergic to lidocaine. because when the super young doctor giving me a lumbar puncture pushed the lidocaine in my back too fast, my blood pressure went down in the 30's for a bit (yikes!) & then my arms, fingers & such clamped up, as in, unable to move them! i have never been so scared in the hands of a doctor before...
6. lumbar puncture multiplied, oh, 19 times. apparently the 2nd attempt at a local anesthetic worked & i didn't notice that mr young doctor was fishing around my spine by taking the needle in & out that many times. i wondered what was taking so long but because i had gone to my special hypnobirthing-style place (tropical ocean waves) i was in an okay place despite the intense stabbing pains. anyway, lumbar puncture is at my list of things never to do again.
7. why did they kill off sybil in downtown abby?! (sorry for the spoiler but i just can't get over it!)
8. after a not so great visit with dr im last week...i'm beginning to look for a integrative medical 2nd opinion for my health conditions. oh joy! going through my medical history with yet another doctor also goes on my list of things i really don't want to do again.
9. yet another diagnosis to add to my list: optic nerve drusen. which means, within a few days i went from seeing poorly in my right eye (i've needed eyeglasses since 1st grade) to being blind in one eye (20/400 but with complete central vision loss in the right eye) . it's permanent, nothing to be done. and, the hap-hap-happiest part: it could happen in my other eye also! i mean, yippee, right?
10. letting myself grieve this change & all that it will affect now & in the future. forcing myself to look beyond my situation...then keeping those two in check. i should probably just be happy to have coffee back in my diet, eh?

okay. so keeping with my desire to not let myself wallow in self pity, here's this top 10...

lovely things that have happened since my last post:

1. the groundhog predicts an early spring! i love winter, but i think i'm ready for some flowers & warm breezes.
2. within 2 months, i will have gone on TWO vacations, 1 to portland, oregon sans kids with my hubby (he will be working. i will not). the 2nd is a week long gerbick family cruise to the caribbean! (as in, my in laws & bro & sis in law & kids!). hello, wonderful. ((reminder to self: it's time to shave & buff those winter legs, heidi))
3. i have lost any significant care of the cleanliness level of my home. & yes, i see this as a very good, yet temporary thing...
4. knowing that friends, family, & others are praying for my crappy health. community is beautiful.
5. now that i can't wear contacts very often, i get to buy some new glasses! i am searching for that silver lining, folks. i think i'll even invest in some prescription sunglasses. oohh lala! i could be the next (or real??) penelope from criminal minds, with different shades/glasses per outfit. think of the fashion possibilities! i've learned that it's possible to buy cheaper frames then have prescription lenses put in...
6. amelia has been playing all by herself for the past hour. HOUR!
7. my dad's gall bladder surgery fiasco seems to be resolved. (he had surgery in december but continued to be sick, have gall attacks, throughout the next few months...then was hospitalized, then possibly another procedure, then sent home, then back to hospital, then finally a procedure that has made him feel & look the best in a very long time).
8. i can bend over this week without incurring horrid back pains, courtesy of lumbar puncture & the young doctor.
9. coffee/caffeine, sugar, chocolate, dairy, eggs, red meat, soy, nuts, & corn were added back into my diet. rejoice! it's safe to say i didn't feel any different when most groups were added in, except corn. which is interesting, a lot of fibromyalgia folks feel the difference when adding in caffeine & sugar, but i pretty much have the same level of pain...so...hoping that means something positive eventually.
10. my mom is DONE with all cancer treatments. she is in remission, cancer free. my family surprised her by going to her bell ringing ceremony (read her version of it here). it was quite an awesome moment & day. it's been a strenuous & life altering 14 months since her diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer.  *sigh* so, there's that wonderful news!

& now my little spirited millie bean is begging me to read a book, so...until next time!