something embarrassing

i may not want to admit this, but...i needed addy's teacher to explain some FIRST GRADE math to me. (you may laugh! but i will also say wes could not decipher it, either!) when she explains it--so simple. but then i try to explain it to addy--complex & frustrating. i really hope this core curriculum stuff is all it's cracked up to be...you know? if we are struggling in first grade to help with her homework...how will it be as she gets older, in more complex math? egads...

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i can't believe it's mid-janurary! what? i'm still in shock that adeline is in grade school. you know, in 10 years she will be in 11th grade, driving, maybe looking at colleges... *gulp* i still think of them, my girls, as babies & toddlers. when does that stop? 

anyway, i was sick off & on the past few weeks. this flu or virus going around is an ugly & persistent one. and then i think i'm having a problem with one of my medications...something seems to be making me nauseous on & off (& no, not pregnant, ya'all! thank you sweet heavenly jesus). the way i know meds & not virus: i just ate a bowl of fruity cheerios. stomach is good. if i had instead drank a smoothie, a salad, or anything spicy my stomach would be killing me. so when it needs something full of nothing particularly nutritious = not a problem. when i ask my stomach to pull nutrients out = pained. ugh, another doc appointment seems unavoidable.

speaking of docs...what do you folks think of refusing to pay for a certain mental health service. let's say this certain group misdiagnosed, blew off our concerns, then required us to attend an expensive & very unhelpful group sessions. so yea, this really happened & it's so hard to pay for horrible services that were not beneficial but in a way, harmful to certain things. i dunno, thoughts? i'm ready to go to battle about this situation...

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i have a to-do list that looms. my sick time on the couch is nearly over, i'm hoping...really, this house needs to be stripped of those germs. there's this horribly annoying curious george episode: george is sick, he dreams of going into his body & ridding it of the germs. they sing a very annoying and a bit jazzy song & i have that tune in my head now. bummer, eh? it's so sad that i know curious george episodes like they're my own life. gah! get me outta here!

which brings me to some thoughts: careers. a few of my friends are struggling with their career (or lack of, mostly) & it's something i am constantly battling. stay at home or work. or work part time. there are moments i think working is the only way to get new carpet & replace the non-sealed back door & do the traveling i want for myself & our family.

but then we have the weeks that are filled with illness, chronic pain & headaches & multiple doc/specialists appointments. how could an employer deal with that? sure, wes would have to leave work to handle more of the appointments...but he has a 45 minute drive to work. so it's not simple, you know? of course, adult world is complex & annoying. how would a child with some mental health concerns deal with such a change as me being gone...i mean, change is her nemesis. 

anyway, i'm off to work on that to-do list. i know no one else is going to steam clean addy's room to rid it of germs & dust mites.