#1: president obama. he just seems to ooze the true essence of a president. i thought his inauguration speech was pretty inspiring & right on with the state of our country & world. really, he basically called on us to take responsibility for ourselves & our business & our world. i know he will not be able to keep every campaign promise he made & that there will be other things beyond his scope of abilities as president...i just have a feeling that he is a deep thinker & will not jump the gun on things like bush (literally) did.
#2: adeline pooped in the potty! this has been MONTHS coming. of course, i wasn't home when she decided to do this. what's interesting, is that wes was downstairs with amelia & i was gone, so she was alone & apparently she clunked the upstairs portable toddler potty downstairs (even though we have one downstairs already...picking favorites?) & then did her business...without anyone around. so maybe i just need to give her a bit more privacy in the whole arena of potty time.
as for the bleak day, i don't even know where to begin...today was all over the place. (if you are my dad or another male who doesn't like to hear about womanly things, skip to the next paragraph)...i think the crux of it is that i have started my period for the 2nd time in one month...i'm sorry for those who think this is TMI. ideally, the 1st time is TMI; the 2nd time is ridiculous in every sense. i hate this IUD. soon wes will get the snippity snip (take a guess) & hopefully all will get better. if you are a lady: remember that email going around about the 'always; have a happy period' slogan (that they are still using) about homicidal maniacs walking around in capri pants & such things (which the maniacs are pms/menstruating women)? for this weather, maybe it's a homicidal maniac walking around in (faux: skechers) ugg boots. i also think another phrase was 'i turn into an inbreed hillbilly with knife skills'. well, that's what i feel like. both of the aforementioned.
i lost it several times today with adeline, became overly frustrated several times with amelia, & then really over the top upset with wes on one occasion. after that i decided it was in everyone's best interest if i went to the library for awhile. libraries are so well organized & quiet & filled with things people do that are quiet. i loved it. i found 4 books about motherhood: "the bitch in the house" (hel-looo me); "breeder"; "i was a really good mom before i had kids"; & finally "motherhood made a man out of me". the last is fiction & i'm least excited about that one. the others are (non fiction) essays, so i think i should enjoy them & have time to actually read them b/c they will be shorter than the novel. today was one of the days that i wished i was working out of the home, that i wasn't a stay-at-homer...i don't get this thought often, most often after amelia was born. not b/c of amelia, just b/c things didn't go well for awhile. i'm not going to force myself to stay at home b/c i really don't think our kids will end up better one way or the other...the important rule for me in this whole 'heidi stays at home with the kids' arrangement is that i want to enjoy it. it's not something i want to force myself to do...statistically, kids aren't better (or worse) off with a stay at home parent, so there's not necessarily anything holding me back except that i mostly do enjoy it. the more days like this, the less i will enjoy, for sure.
during my 1st year at ohio state (which would be my junior year of college) i had a professor who tore the class up with her comment that "she is working while her kids are infants, toddlers, & preschoolers & will stop working when they are teenagers" b/c younger kids can be taken care of by anyone & still feel loved (as long as they aren't being abused), but teenagers need more of a specific role model/parent to help them through the muck. (she did have 2 kids, a baby & a toddler, both in day care). some students (all social work or psychology students) were so pissed that she was choosing to work. someone even said something along the lines of 'i felt sorry for you before that you HAD to work to pay the bills & leave your kids at day care, but now that i know it's your choice, i think you're a terrible mom'...GASP in the room. this woman who told her this had her own children who were older. other students were in total agreement with the professor & some with the rude student & the rest of us were just in shock that this conversation was taking up class time.('come on! she tests from class notes, lets get a move on the notes, already!').
really, this SAH-parent versus working parent is totally a thing that is a private decision made by both parents (mostly the one who will be staying at home though), so who knows why i'm even blogging about it...it's just on my mind today. some people are cut out for it, others not (in the past few months i have thought more than ever that i am not cut out for it...). some have no choice. bottom line for me is that i want to make sure i enjoy me being home & the girls like me being at home. when i'm grumpy & tired of hibernating due to illnesses & am sick of smelling like spit up & some form of bodily excretion...i'm not enjoying it. at times when we are worrying over bills or how we're going to pay for preschool it just seems like an easy decision: heidi goes back to work. then i have to weigh that against: will it be easier for the girls if i was with them?
well, let me totally change the subject & talk about the girls!
adeline is still sick & coughing constantly & has the usual weird rash on her face & a fever & refused to take a nap or even stop moving...she was just a fireball of resistance today (whatever that means). if i said 'do not do that' she would do it or throw whatever it was she was not supposed to be playing with. i know she's not able to get all of her crazy energy out right now & i feel for her; i also feel restless being home constantly while everyone is hopefully recovering from the mystery illness. other than being sick recently, she has taken on a new look of preschooler...she doesn't seem to be at all a toddler anymore. POOF, her baby years are gone. she is now a little independent thinker with her own life strategy & i am merely the steering wheel from this point on. or am i the wheels? hhmm, for sure not the engine...she has that part. she is totally hilarious, even though she hardly says anything. a comedian of few words. i just love her to pieces, even when she has thick yellow snot smeared across her cheeks & is throwing a small baby toy my way.
amelia is becoming much more interactive. she's rolling all over the place; today she nearly rolled right off the bed b/c she also somehow does a belly inch crawl, in a circle. then she will roll & roll & that's when i caught her. today she spit out 90% of what rice cereal i gave her & then tried to roll over in the seat she was in. rice cereal crap everywhere! but she's giggling like mad & just a goofball in general. she really likes the jumparoo, bopping all over the place does her well, apparently.
i will leave you with this:
so i had the weirdest dream last night: i was at a high school, no specific one, just a high school with a grocery store attached to it (of course, what else is supposed to be attached to a HS?). i had both girls with me & somehow i lost adeline. i was frantically looking everywhere & i went to the 'dean of students' & told the office folks to call the police, that someone took my daughter. they didn't believe me & so they just nonchalantly looked around the office. i was still frantic, so i was looking everywhere. then all of these school buses park outside (randomly, there was no order to their parking spots) & i see addy walking around, looking very confused. so i run out to get her & she is just dazed & has this giddy smile on her face. a bus driver walks over to me & says that adeline told her that she wanted a ride & i said that's impossible b/c she can't say all of those words. then i suddenly realized that amelia was missing. so we go through the whole process of looking for millie,but she isn't mobile so there are few spots where i could've left her. somehow almost a day went by & people just assumed that amelia had died & we should bring in griswold (our dog) to sniff out her body. i was so devastated & was crying & holding adeline & crying & felt like i was falling into pieces. i was sitting at a conference table & looked under it b/c addy dropped something & saw amelia's hair hanging down...somehow she was laying with her back to a chair, with her head hanging off the end & her feet barely peeking above the top. i remember feeling immense dread pulling the chair back b/c i thought she would be dead. but she was sleeping & smiling in her sleep. sleeping! i picked her up & she woke up & smiled at me & then i quickly gave her a bottle & she gobbled it down in 4 minutes (yes, exactly). moms have such weird dreams (or is that just me??).
#2: adeline pooped in the potty! this has been MONTHS coming. of course, i wasn't home when she decided to do this. what's interesting, is that wes was downstairs with amelia & i was gone, so she was alone & apparently she clunked the upstairs portable toddler potty downstairs (even though we have one downstairs already...picking favorites?) & then did her business...without anyone around. so maybe i just need to give her a bit more privacy in the whole arena of potty time.
as for the bleak day, i don't even know where to begin...today was all over the place. (if you are my dad or another male who doesn't like to hear about womanly things, skip to the next paragraph)...i think the crux of it is that i have started my period for the 2nd time in one month...i'm sorry for those who think this is TMI. ideally, the 1st time is TMI; the 2nd time is ridiculous in every sense. i hate this IUD. soon wes will get the snippity snip (take a guess) & hopefully all will get better. if you are a lady: remember that email going around about the 'always; have a happy period' slogan (that they are still using) about homicidal maniacs walking around in capri pants & such things (which the maniacs are pms/menstruating women)? for this weather, maybe it's a homicidal maniac walking around in (faux: skechers) ugg boots. i also think another phrase was 'i turn into an inbreed hillbilly with knife skills'. well, that's what i feel like. both of the aforementioned.
i lost it several times today with adeline, became overly frustrated several times with amelia, & then really over the top upset with wes on one occasion. after that i decided it was in everyone's best interest if i went to the library for awhile. libraries are so well organized & quiet & filled with things people do that are quiet. i loved it. i found 4 books about motherhood: "the bitch in the house" (hel-looo me); "breeder"; "i was a really good mom before i had kids"; & finally "motherhood made a man out of me". the last is fiction & i'm least excited about that one. the others are (non fiction) essays, so i think i should enjoy them & have time to actually read them b/c they will be shorter than the novel. today was one of the days that i wished i was working out of the home, that i wasn't a stay-at-homer...i don't get this thought often, most often after amelia was born. not b/c of amelia, just b/c things didn't go well for awhile. i'm not going to force myself to stay at home b/c i really don't think our kids will end up better one way or the other...the important rule for me in this whole 'heidi stays at home with the kids' arrangement is that i want to enjoy it. it's not something i want to force myself to do...statistically, kids aren't better (or worse) off with a stay at home parent, so there's not necessarily anything holding me back except that i mostly do enjoy it. the more days like this, the less i will enjoy, for sure.
during my 1st year at ohio state (which would be my junior year of college) i had a professor who tore the class up with her comment that "she is working while her kids are infants, toddlers, & preschoolers & will stop working when they are teenagers" b/c younger kids can be taken care of by anyone & still feel loved (as long as they aren't being abused), but teenagers need more of a specific role model/parent to help them through the muck. (she did have 2 kids, a baby & a toddler, both in day care). some students (all social work or psychology students) were so pissed that she was choosing to work. someone even said something along the lines of 'i felt sorry for you before that you HAD to work to pay the bills & leave your kids at day care, but now that i know it's your choice, i think you're a terrible mom'...GASP in the room. this woman who told her this had her own children who were older. other students were in total agreement with the professor & some with the rude student & the rest of us were just in shock that this conversation was taking up class time.('come on! she tests from class notes, lets get a move on the notes, already!').
really, this SAH-parent versus working parent is totally a thing that is a private decision made by both parents (mostly the one who will be staying at home though), so who knows why i'm even blogging about it...it's just on my mind today. some people are cut out for it, others not (in the past few months i have thought more than ever that i am not cut out for it...). some have no choice. bottom line for me is that i want to make sure i enjoy me being home & the girls like me being at home. when i'm grumpy & tired of hibernating due to illnesses & am sick of smelling like spit up & some form of bodily excretion...i'm not enjoying it. at times when we are worrying over bills or how we're going to pay for preschool it just seems like an easy decision: heidi goes back to work. then i have to weigh that against: will it be easier for the girls if i was with them?
well, let me totally change the subject & talk about the girls!
adeline is still sick & coughing constantly & has the usual weird rash on her face & a fever & refused to take a nap or even stop moving...she was just a fireball of resistance today (whatever that means). if i said 'do not do that' she would do it or throw whatever it was she was not supposed to be playing with. i know she's not able to get all of her crazy energy out right now & i feel for her; i also feel restless being home constantly while everyone is hopefully recovering from the mystery illness. other than being sick recently, she has taken on a new look of preschooler...she doesn't seem to be at all a toddler anymore. POOF, her baby years are gone. she is now a little independent thinker with her own life strategy & i am merely the steering wheel from this point on. or am i the wheels? hhmm, for sure not the engine...she has that part. she is totally hilarious, even though she hardly says anything. a comedian of few words. i just love her to pieces, even when she has thick yellow snot smeared across her cheeks & is throwing a small baby toy my way.
amelia is becoming much more interactive. she's rolling all over the place; today she nearly rolled right off the bed b/c she also somehow does a belly inch crawl, in a circle. then she will roll & roll & that's when i caught her. today she spit out 90% of what rice cereal i gave her & then tried to roll over in the seat she was in. rice cereal crap everywhere! but she's giggling like mad & just a goofball in general. she really likes the jumparoo, bopping all over the place does her well, apparently.
i will leave you with this:
so i had the weirdest dream last night: i was at a high school, no specific one, just a high school with a grocery store attached to it (of course, what else is supposed to be attached to a HS?). i had both girls with me & somehow i lost adeline. i was frantically looking everywhere & i went to the 'dean of students' & told the office folks to call the police, that someone took my daughter. they didn't believe me & so they just nonchalantly looked around the office. i was still frantic, so i was looking everywhere. then all of these school buses park outside (randomly, there was no order to their parking spots) & i see addy walking around, looking very confused. so i run out to get her & she is just dazed & has this giddy smile on her face. a bus driver walks over to me & says that adeline told her that she wanted a ride & i said that's impossible b/c she can't say all of those words. then i suddenly realized that amelia was missing. so we go through the whole process of looking for millie,but she isn't mobile so there are few spots where i could've left her. somehow almost a day went by & people just assumed that amelia had died & we should bring in griswold (our dog) to sniff out her body. i was so devastated & was crying & holding adeline & crying & felt like i was falling into pieces. i was sitting at a conference table & looked under it b/c addy dropped something & saw amelia's hair hanging down...somehow she was laying with her back to a chair, with her head hanging off the end & her feet barely peeking above the top. i remember feeling immense dread pulling the chair back b/c i thought she would be dead. but she was sleeping & smiling in her sleep. sleeping! i picked her up & she woke up & smiled at me & then i quickly gave her a bottle & she gobbled it down in 4 minutes (yes, exactly). moms have such weird dreams (or is that just me??).
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