emotions. confrontation. understanding.

emotions

there are a few key moments throughout the day that will either send me to anger & frustration or wonderment & laughter. i guess it's sorta about accepting this certain time in life, with small kids who are just learning about living.

so far this week, monday was fairly horrendous but tuesday was hilarious...odd that tuesday had more messes? (& total side note, i just pulled out a white hair). but on monday, i'm not quite sure what went so wrong, pushing me over the edge of patience. the one thing--yes, ONE thing so far--that this parenting help class is helping me learn & remember: i can control my own behavior, reactions. so monday, as the girls were launching fatal word attacks on each other & the nannnied boy was just trying to get someone to play cars with him (he does prefer the girls playing cars with him *sniff, sniff* but they wanted nothing to do with anything at that point). anyway, so i decide to take a moment & call wes. & then that phone call ended in an argument over the same old, same old.

so i called my sister, at work...who graciously talked me down, reminding me that even when i've reached my limit & am angry or heartbroken or frustrated, showing the girls the right way to handle emotions is more helpful than ignoring & glossing over it...(*smile* well, at least that's what i took from the conversation!). i was crying at that point & the nannied boy came & gave me an enormous leg hug, patted my leg & gave a huge smile, then ran off to play with something else.

then amelia saw that i was crying, saw owen give me a hug & sat down next to me with her doll, asking me gently why i was crying. since lunch was urgent to all the kids at that point, the call had to end...but right after i hung up, i let out a few sobs, realizing that i had it pretty good.

understanding

sure we are going through some rough parenting times & most extra money is not going into savings but to professionals & most days i can barely move my neck, with knots all over my shoulders & time to myself is limited to just a few hours a week that are usually spent either cleaning or writing a post for this blog...BUT! this is love, right? giving of myself to others, learning & correcting myself along the way. because my sister was totally right, somehow these little kids know that when someone is sad & crying, to show them compassion.

it's just so difficult some days, right? then other days my patience is nearly endless & creativity is flowing (i don't think my energy will ever compete with kids'...i want that level of energy!). i have this memory of my mom taking a siesta on the couch. i'm not sure how old i was, sometime before 4th grade. i believe it was my brother & i, we were trying to pull her off the couch & it turned into a game then, & she would say something like, give me some of your energy! & we would zap her with our hands. 

anyway. fun memory, eh? but that also helps now, keeping in mind that the girls will remember how i handle it all (especially with addy's intense memory skills. i really hope she's not one of those people who can remember every day of her life).

***

confrontation

so. i have this part of me that is highly confrontational. when i was younger, say elementary &  middle school & parts of high school, i kept it mostly to myself...how did i not get an ulcer?! then in college i just let it fly, maybe a bit too much. so i'm learning to tone it down a bit, pick the right time & words--with kindness, maybe even empathy. (maybe).

twice this week i couldn't help myself, i had to get it out. i mean, i have enough stomach issues as it is, right?

first was at addy's soccer game....they're at this field, behind an elementary school which is also right beside a middle school there are two sets of small soccer fields, side by side horizontally. then about 100 yards away is a football field (also horizontal) with a team practicing. maybe another 150 yards diagonally from the pee-wee soccer fields is the track & field complex, with a junior high football game going on. so that's the layout (bare with me, here).

now it take the utmost of concentration for preschoolers to play a game of soccer, 4 on 4 or 3 on 3. coaches are on the field helping them stay focused, parents are encouraging from the sidelines--the kids are redirected almost constantly (except for the few who are nearly professional soccer players already)...

suddenly music is blaring. i think that someone just turned their car on & a kiddo turned the volume up. i waited for the music to stop. 99% of the kids on the soccer fields are turned away from the game. after a few minutes, some get back into the game but most have lost any sense of focus & are dancing or playing with grass or chasing each other & not the ball.

as i'm listening to the music, dread fills me. it's christian rock music. sure enough, the local christian station 104.9 has a van in the parking lot. there are two enormous speakers on top. a woman is sitting on the tailgate, texting or playing a game on her phone. 

fifteen minutes drag on with this blaring music. parents all around are looking at this van, glaring. someone walking by says, 'oh great, the christians are shoving their music at us again'. i could barely hear their conversations but everyone was totally unhappy with this rude interruption. i mean, i was totally annoyed also! when addy came to get a drink during a quarter break she didn't want to talk about soccer, it was all questions about why this music was so loud, she kept putting her hands over her ears, as were other kids.

so. as we were packing up & i could hear more & more grumbles from everyone about this music i walked over to the van. i asked what this station was doing, why the music? she said it was a MINISTRY, that a parent of one of the football teams had requested this music to go along with their game or practice. i pointed out that the football teams were at least 100 yards away & in between that is a group of preschoolers trying to play soccer, that it was frustrating the parents & distracting & disturbing some of the kids. she just smiled & told me she's just doing her job, that there wasn't a closer place for her to park for the football teams. i mentioned that as a christian myself it is sending the wrong message: interruptions, frustrating others, not asking permission of the 2 fields of kids who couldn't hear anything aside from this music. sure the music isn't swearing or putting down anyone but it's still interrupting them & that is disrespectful. yet again, christians come across as assholes (i used a better word, but i meant assholes!) shoving their propaganda down everyone's ears this time. i asked her how she would feel if someone blared their music during a time she was trying to concentrate, learn something, play with friends. she said there's not a lot she could do, that she's just doing her job. again, i brought up that this may not be the best way to get the love of jesus across to others; maybe she could just turn the music down so parents can cheer for their kids. she sorta looked around & then said, i'll just turn it off.

ugh. so there it is. i'm not sure if i was in the right or wrong, but holy hell, my ears were pounding after standing that close to the speakers--which were also right next to the school playground with dozens of kids. anyway: what do you think about this situation? really, am i too confrontational? the only parent who would ask this lady to turn the speakers down, for the love of it all?!

the 2nd time was at the parenting help class last night...the instructors were going on & on about how important praise is with your children & moved on to ignoring the negative behavior & then praising positive behavior in another child or adult--to get the message across to the other kid that negative behavior does not get attention. which is right & all...but this discussion went on for nearly an hour. parents who are in this class have real, deep concerns for their kid or kids...

i dunno, i was pretty chill & bored at that point, drinking my complimentary water. so i raise my hand & ask what about the times when that doesn't work, praising the behavior of the child who is doing the right thing--what if we're in public? i understand the praise, giving positive for a positive--what is passed this?

of course, the instructor turned my question back to the group, not giving me any answers. empowering the members of group to help is great & all but i left still without any real help. sure, i know there are about 12 other parent sets out there who are struggling with the same issues, we can relate & swap horror stories & laugh about it all...but still we are leaving without real answers.

so when i turned around after asking my question, there were 5 tickets on my paper (two tickets are given to each person at the beginning of the class. you are to give one ticket to someone when they say something you find helpful or interesting...not to brag or anything, but getting 8 by the end of the evening is pretty good, but i still didn't win the gift card drawing, sadly). 

not sure what else to say about that. except i have spent an hour of my free time & i must, must, must get a shower now...