this week is...

...frustrating. i'm having a hard time letting myself just sit around, playing with the gals. my mind keeps churning, thinking of my list of things to do, money, relationships, whether i'm doing enough to help the girls grow up with respect for self & others. & i really want to clean the damn basement.

so earlier in the week there was a 2 hours window of sunny weather. addy had herself bundled up in a matter of minutes, ready to play Play PLAY, as she said. i had the other two (amelia & nannied boy) in an assembly line: socks, socks two, sweatshirt, snow pants (to battle the mud, sadly no snow *sigh*), fleece jacket, hat, mittens, water boots.

by the time we were all ready to go out, adeline was already back inside, begging for hot cocoa. it seriously takes forever to get kids ready for outside winter stuff, eh? i told adeline we'd all have hot cocoa together in a bit, turned on a tv show & crossed my fingers that she was placated.

outside, i checked on all my perennials. it's so interesting to see a garden in the winter (even a warm, wet one like we're having this year in o-h-i-o). plants appear to be dead, but are inside just resting their outer self. some are even working their roots down into the soil. 

which brought me to my thoughts while driving the other day, in pouring rain: seasons of life. it rains because we need water to live...i dunno, it just struck me, yet again that i need to stop looking at life superficially.  ha! do with that what you will...

i have this ability to be cynically trusting of people--even god. i just put it all out there for folks to see, our dirty laundry (uh, my last post = literally) but i don't necessarily think folks will do right by that trust i've given them.

so how to go about connecting it all? hurts, disappointments, frustrations...seasons of life, looking deeper into it all instead of using my normal reactions.

*sigh*

***

the other day at the food pantry this single dad came in with his two girls (ages 2 & 4). one in a stroller, the other patiently waiting with her dad & sister...they played at the kid table & showed me (at the food counter) their pictures. the girls told me how much they loved the puzzles & crayons.

their eyes widened as we put the two boxes with food up on the counter for them to take home. the father's eyes teared up. he said he didn't expect this much food & that they had to walk nearly a mile home.

of course, me being knowledgeable with packing strollers with bags & such ...& all the other moms around me were like: canvas bags! we found some around for those who are walking. so we packed out his stroller & i watched as he put gloves, hats & a blanket around the youngest. he was carrying 4 canvas bags, pushing a stroller, & probably ended up carrying his daughter part of the way.

it just hit a chord with all of us behind the counter. he knew exactly what the girls liked, what soap they needed, what hair products (we were not busy at all, so we had time to ask for specifics). again, they are so many ways to go with this story, a dad caring for his kids, humbled yet proud of what he should be proud of--his family, that he reached out into his community for help, that his daughters love him like nothing else...

***

okay. now time for a story about adeline: she's a sleep walker! last night, after she had been asleep for about 2 hours, she quietly opened her door & a few minutes later i heard her coming down the steps, every so slowly.

i met her half way. she was carrying her doll & doll pack & play. her pupils were as enormous, even in the dark hallway. i helped her down the steps & asked her a few questions...she just sat there snuggled into wes. i asked her what she's doing, what she's thinking about, does she need something?

she gave a wee smile & said: i've been thinking about towels & why we need them.

i said probably to dry off.

she put her finger to her mouth & said something like that's right...

***

sorry for the debbie downer of a post. it's just been a difficult week, you know? but, here's something amelia & i accomplished one afternoon:

a lego house complete with divided rooms inside, a roof that comes off & goes back on, a yard, etc. we rocked it out.