life, in all it's glory

uhm, hello new blogger interface. aren't you just nice & easy to navigate.

we are trying to decide here, big w & i: when do we become concerned that fantasy & pretend play are overtaking reality in the world of our 3 year old? so...amelia loves playing with dolls, loves getting them dressed & feeding them & she has even mastered changing their diapers to exactly imitate how a real baby diaper change would take place (she knows how to roll the diaper up, folks, ensuring that poop or a dirty wipe won't fall out of the folds).

often she will say things like "we are good mommies, me & you" (talking to me) or take 10 minutes before we have to go somewhere to pack her doll's diaper bag or take all the care in the world to point out interesting things to her doll on a walk (she will be pushing the doll in the doll stroller & of course, doll has a pillow, blanket, special animal, bottle, sippy cup, snack & a sunhat all neatly tucked around her).

all of that is within the realm of normal, right? but then the other night as i was sitting with amelia for her quiet time in the afternoon. i was trying to read a book, telling her every 15 seconds to find something to play with quietly, & then gave up reading & just decided to give her my full attention, to let her talk & talk & talk about whatever it was that she wanted me to hear. it went like this:

when my baby evelyn {her doll & yes, it's also her cousin's name}was in my belly i ate super food. i ate lots & lots of fruit & veggeee-bles to make my baby strong in my belly. because my baby had to grow strong so it could push out of my belly. my baby was fed through a tube going from my mouth to inside my belly & it made baby evelyn happy so she kicked my belly!{laughing} those babies, right mommy? sometimes i don't know what to do with her, this baby evelyn. she's so silly! {shocked noise} oh no! my baby just pooped & it went everywhere. now i will have to wash clothes & give a bath. mommies are so busy {as she is changing the doll's diaper & outfit, then put the doll clothes down the real laundry chute & threw the fake poopy diaper in her fake dirty diaper pail. then she comes over to sit by me again}. i love my baby, she's so so cute! BUT the other day she pooped on my head so i was so fuster-rated, do you remember that, mommy? we is such good mommies that i cleaned baby evelyn & you cleaned my head off {in reality, amelia told me her baby pooped on her head, i laughed & then wiped off the pretend poop & she said 'thank you mommy' & went away talking to her baby about not pooping anywhere but her diaper}. we cleaned everything up because mommies do that! {laughing}...

oh.my.lands. this will go on & on. her pretend play is beginning to become reality, you know? i honestly think in the midst of playing--when disrupted--she stays in mommy mode. yesterday she wouldn't leave for addy's soccer practice until she had a cup of pretend coffee. why: because mommies don't leave the house in the morning without a cup of coffee. 

i mean, that's true & all.

i guess this is just part of the beauty surrounding a strong imagination, eh?

***

what else have the gerbicks been up to? well, our new best friend, stress, has decided to move in & stay for an undisclosed amount of time. i think i could make a top 20 list of stressful events in our life right now, all colliding & flowing together to make one hell of a year so far. i mean, how can a hospital send a bill 13 months later? marriage is difficult. knowing the hell my mom is going through is painful to us. amelia & her 3 year old attitude. addy & her anxiety over life in general. enrolling addy for kindergarten & all the meetings that is requiring. then add in that adeline has shown through 3 hearing tests in the past 2 months that she is barely hearing out of her left ear (which in 2 days she has a cat scan on her inner ear). my pain level increasing...& on & on & on.

i mean, i could list & list & list. life is stress right now. i'm trying to stay above it, but often get pulled down into being frozen some days, unable to do anything but keep the girls & nannied boy fed & entertained.

so yea, anyone have any thoughts on how to get a 5 year old who is utterly terrified of hospitals & such things to sit still for a cat scan? we are pretty sure they will sedate her or put her under general anesthesia. all of this is just a bit scary, hoping they don't find anything like a malformed cochlear. or worse, if they don't find anything she will need an MRI within the next few months to ensure nothing like an acoustic neuroma (remember my harold? ugh. it terrifies me to think of her with something like that) or the like is camping out in her middle or inner ear. she will continue to have hearing tests every 6 weeks to see if the hearing levels change.

what is ticking us all off (me, wes, my parents, siblings, etc) is that it could be viral in nature, her hearing loss. & all those times she would have super high fevers but yet our previous pediatricians told us not to worry, etc etc etc. bullshit. ugh, it raises my blood pressure just thinking of that office, those pediatricians & what they tricked us into believing (that speech delays are normal, recurring high fevers are normal even if they don't have any other symptoms). we had to bring it up ONCE to dr. im & he started this process moving, finding out why. 

anyway. so i'm trying to put my focus on the good:

pulling weeds

early spring

asparagus from my back yard

my girls' hugs

flowers

laughter & joy of kids

the outfits the girls pick out

new neighborhood friends

friends in general

family support

peace of jesus

kleenex with lotion

picasa's new photo image processing to play with (see below)

ice cream

chocolate cake (found a new awesome yummy gf recipe!)

the therapist i've been seeing (full disclosure here. real life sucks, eh?)

first picnic outside, 3/14/2012

*neon processing* 

amelia &  my sunglasses

 *cinemascope & posterized processing*

*1960's processing*

one of addy's outfits this week

 *this is the pencil sketch processing*

amelia, adeline, & sweet baby evelyn (the real one)

*1960's processing*

see, i'm smiling now. & the chatter from the backyard means it's going to be 70 today, sunny (storms later). i have some herbs to plant, weeds to pull!