another good, bad, ugly

seriously, it's june already?

addy only has two more days of school--then a preschool graduation party on friday! i'm going to bawl my eyes out. how can she be done with a year of school (yea, it's only pre-k & the early pre-k at that, but still! she's done with her first year of school!).

i think amelia will enjoy the extra time with adeline around...the two of them together is the definition of disaster. just now i was cleaning up lunch plates & adeline shouts down the stairs to me (i didn't even know they were upstairs! when plotting destruction they are *so quiet*): "MOMMY! MIII--WEEEEE HURT!" so i run upstairs to see that amelia has slipped on my bathroom floor that is now covered in wet toilet paper & gross toilet bowl water. she's covered in it, wiping her tears with her toilet water drenched hands. *sigh* 

on a better note i am attempting to make gluten free asiago cheese bagels right now. i've never made gluten bagels, even so i'm not sure these will turn out. (apparently they have to be boiled then baked?!). we've had a few bummer of gluten free home-baked things recently which has made me reluctant to even try things. but i have to, right?! if i want to eat breads, i need to learn how to bake with these new flours & such. unless we just decide to eat at zpizza every single day. i could handle that.

i know it's possible to make near-identical baked goods b/c wes spent an absurd amount of money at a gluten free bakery near us & i gobbled that stuff up like it was...well, baked goods. plus the pizza at zpizza wasn't as amazing as i remembered it...but it was still the best gf has to offer at this point. but pricey. anyway.

***

we are in birthday party season! we have had invitations to FIVE parties recently & two were this past weekend. her twin cousins turned 3 & my brother & sis-in-law put on an AMAZING party. it was art themed, with a pool sideshow & delicious food (my brother woke up at 5 that morning to start smoking some pork. crazy young parents). but we totally forgot our camera & i can't seem to download my mom's pictures from picasa. drats. maybe i'll have wes super duper look into it. i just can't believe my little nieces are 3 now & addy is almost 4 & amelia is almost 2! gah! it's enough to bring gray hairs out.

the next party was for addy's classmate. wes really wanted to be the one to take her to this party & i was very willing to hand over the 'adeline liason parent position' for a bit. wes pointed out that i get to see it all at school & school parties & such ... i was like dude, you don't have to convince me! go to the party! take her! apparently it was a pool party with a huge slide & addy basically didn't stop swimming & sliding for nearly 2 hours.

but all this party talk brings up some frustrating parenting moments.

i don't know exactly why but adeline has a hard time during parties or in larger groups. nearly every time we are at a larger gathering, she *loses* it. as in, flailing, sobbing, throwing things, hitting me (those are the really super bad ones), & the super super duper duper bad ones involve her working herself up so much that she vomits many times. 

at the twin's birthday party adeline started to get upset & so i took her away from the crowd a bit & she recovered quickly. then 5 minutes later it's like she just becomes this amazingly obstinate child. we were able to get to an empty playroom so sort it out--which usually involves her screaming, sobbing, kicking the floor. you know, a tantrum of tantrums.

i do know that other kids struggle with the same stuff...but what the stuff is i'm not sure. i've worked with kids diagnosed with a myriad of mental conditions & this just doesn't fit into anything i've seen. the school talked about her having apraxia & maybe even sensory integration disorder...but haven't followed up about either of those recently. i'm at my wits ends, though. nearly every day she's doing these sort of tantrums about something. so i guess i'm just wondering: are they tantrums? does this behavior fall into a range of 'normal' kid reactions to stress & overwhelming emotions? are we handling it the right way? wrong way?

my brother came to check on what the hell was going on in the twin's playroom & saw me crying outside the door--i just don't know what else to do about these tantrums. i mean, is tantrum the right word even? meltdown? episode (argh)?

monday morning we went to the westerville parade. adeline had been *begging* for us to go for nearly a week (we had mentioned it offhand last week--this girl has an incredible memory). so we canceled pictures (sorry judy. it was raining anyway, eh?) & drug our tired bodies out of bed early on a holiday, trucked down to uptown westerville & witnessed the most piddly parade ever. seriously, it lasted 2 minutes. a cluster of soldiers, followed by a boy scout troop, followed by the westerville north marching band, followed by the marching band van (???). no candy, no big trucks. it was pouring rain, also. & they didn't even stop traffic on one side! can you imagine being the one driving opposite this piddly parade?! you know: what.is.going.on?

so wes & i are cracking up about this itsy-bitsy parade & then adeline realizes the parade is over & starts screaming & sobbing...it's like whenever a strong emotion in evoked she can't handle it; being let-down, frustrated, angry, confused, etc. i think even happiness overwhelms her! it's just hard to handle every day. they didn't used to happen every day but the past month or so it has been. i don't know what to do. 

but she doesn't do this with anyone else but wes & i (& her teachers a few times now). she doesn't hit anyone else or even shout at playmates. i know there's some level of comfort with us & it's great that she feels loved enough to release herself on us like this. but yea, it's draining.

ugh.

***

on a good note--sorta--we have gone through nearly 10 loads of extra-capacity washer laundry. my life is encircled with folding laundry, making trip up & down the stairs, chasing the girls as they dash away with clean laundry to trample on... good stuff. but! it's clean! we have a washer that works!

wes pushed for the front load, super capacity, high efficiency washer that matches our dryer. i pushed for the cheap replica of what we had (the top loading one!). wes won b/c he was willing to find the deals & argue with the home depot folks about the price (they took nearly $100 off!). so now i know how to work a front load washer & we need to eat cheap pasta for all of june! lol. (sorta just kidding).

***

so today i need to call my grandma. call dr im. email dr welling (omg this tinnitus is driving me BONKERS). reply to a friend about taking care of her wee baby (boy!) which i'm pretty stoked about & the girls are UBER stoked about.

& get amelia down for her nap! oops.