so i'm trying to think of something good to say after the past few days, weeks, year! even if i was a natural optimist this year would suck stinky, empty bottles.
& today it seems things are crumbling, making it hard to see the good stuff. i'm really trying hard & all i can come up with is that retirement is looking mighty fine right now. which means i am terrible at seeing the good in things right now; if i only have retirement to look forward to...that's just bad, eh?
we have a teething toddler (why do all her cuspid teeth have to come in at the same time?!) who also fell down the entire flight of stairs yesterday--giving herself an enormous bruise on her forehead. she just walks around the house whimpering. you know, that nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma half crying, half whining noise? constantly. i'm at my wits end with this...i try everything & nothing works. except popcorn!
then medical bill after medical bill keep coming in...i really think our only option at this point is for me to get an evening & weekend job. we keep waiting & hoping that wes' old salary would be reinstated but that doesn't seem to be near at all. which sucks! i mean, if i was going to go back to work i want it to be a job i want, a job i would choose over staying at home with the girls. b/c even though i'm ready to leave the house by the time wes gets home & i day dream about how wonderful it would be ... it seems that i desire even more to be with my girls. (gosh, i am so not getting into this SAHM vs. working mom debate. who cares what you do or i do; i only stay at home b/c i want to, b/c it fits with our 4 person family. not b/c of some out of date societal norm for suburban moms to stay at home with kids or b/c christian moms are required by some false biblical teaching to stay at home. just like i'm not going to choose working b/c of the women's movement... okay, stop there).
right now i feel like giving in. selling our house. moving into a 2 bedroom condo that we do NOT own. getting a full time job. ORRRRR selling our house. moving to the caribbean. i know, i know...i would get skin cancer in about 1 year, but still, very alluring. (cliff & bri--are you in?!) i could sell things to tourists...like, uh, i have no clue. so maybe i would still stay at home with the girls. which would still make me being followed around the house by a teething & angry toddler saying nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma, *cry whine cry whine*...
so i need to stop day dreaming about situations that still wouldn't make anything easier. what's that you're thinking? suck it up? go work at the target check out line for the summer? i know, suck it up; i agree. it's just good to write about it. b/c i know there's other parents out there going through the same misery of the grumpy toddler, not enough $, not enough patience (but really, i think anyone would be losing their patience with our grumpy bear amelia right now), etc.
anyone have ideas on how to say on a resume why i gave up working & my professional license? i would think social service agencies wouldn't care, but that would imply optimism also. which i don't have. remember?
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top ten of good things today:
- drinking two whole cups of hot coffee
- nice weather
- i am not pregnant! (that's always a good way to cheer me up, lol)
- griswold is keeping the GINORMOUS groundhog out of our yard so far this year
- the new azalea bush is blooming
forget it, i could only come up with 5... maybe that's b/c i can't think of anything good when i hear caillou in the background?
your hatred of caillou always makes me laugh and I havent even seen it due to your rave reviews...")
ReplyDeleteI'm in the middle of a hunger strike until she'll take the bottle...fun times we share my friend, heidi, fun times.