the sad face

i have not passed on my love of rain--yet. there's just something in me that becomes satisfied & content when it rains, especially when it pours. if thunder & lightening are in the mix--even better. i know i've mentioned my love of rain & rainy days on this blog before so i won't bore you with why i love rainy days...but it is something i hoped to teach my girls, the joy of rain. or something like that...at least, my hope was that they wouldn't detest it like their dad does & become all sullen & grumpy when rain is coming down.

yesterday, it rained a few different times. the first rain was light & filled our house with the amazing first rain smell (windows were opened just for that reason). then the sky cleared for a bit & just as suddenly darker clouds rolled in *just* after i told adeline that her & her friend may be able to play outside. so as it began to pour down, adeline rested her head in her wee hands, her elbows rested on the windowsill & she forlornly whimpered "i am so sad, mommy".

so i think this is my first glimpse into one of my girls feeling depressed or blue. it was such a moment for me, to see her feeling & then being able to tell me about it. i've seen her sad & mad & happy, etc before, but this time had such a touch of maturity, i guess. it twisted my heart a bit b/c this wasn't over something kid-silly but over something most adults struggle with. but it also made me very excited about watching her & amelia grow up & feel all these emotions & have all the experiences. it just made me really happy to be a mom.

now, it does suck for me that she's suddenly saddened by rain--but that's just being human & a kid, being emotionally affected by weather (especially when the possibility of playing outside depends on no rain). i know i'm weird in that i sorta despise really bright, sunny days (ACH! my eyes hurt, even with sunglasses, my skin will burn = headache) & look forward to rainy days...maybe there's hope for amelia!

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amelia, the snot machine. that's amelia's newest nickname. i mean, we have millie, mill-bean, sneaky shit, the gnat, destroyer droid, etc etc. but the past 6 weeks she's been producing so much snot that it seemed appropriate, even given that snot can be taken two ways (actual bodily fluid & then the "snotty" attitude kind...this refers to the first). so i took her to the ped's on monday & they think she has a sinus infection. we were given antibiotics & the poor girl is not doing well on this medication (omnicef, b/c she's allergic to amoxicillin)...she's had diarrhea, vomited, not slept well, stomach rumbles & yes, continued snot manufacturing.

my guess? seasonal allergies. we have to wait out the allergy season though, give her body a bit more time to build a resistance to whatever allergy it is so we just have to pay for that test once & not every year...i have been conferring a lot with  my sister who has *terrible* seasonal allergies. her & amelia seem to have similar problems. so i'm just taking a guess! i really, super-duperly hope she just has a freak sinus infection. cross your fingers.

truly, we are swimming in medical bills. after my stellar year of medical problems & then adeline & her food allergies, speech therapy, & then the mystery illness; then amelia & her recurring ear infections then ear-tube-amabobber surgery. safe to say we are trying our hardest to avoid more $1100 lab tests (that was the cost of addy's latest) & then my $600 trip to the optometrist (long, long story; so not worth blogging about when i'm still pissy about it). we are fairly bummed about the amount of money we've spent on medications & dr's, etc this year. it's mind blowing--we could of had a really awesome europe vacation on what we've spent on medical stuff. argh, argh, argh. but i do have a metal plate in my head to show for it & amelia has wee little circular ear things & adeline is chattering away & seems mostly healthy  now. so. i guess it was worth it...(but i still would rather have gone to europe. right?! or even cancun. or. or.)

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& i am trying to get a bathing suit online. besides lands end (which has some good options), any ideas? i'm trying to find something that will not look dorky on the beach with wes but also won't look too out of place at the family-style rec center. this is the one i'm leaning towards. does it shout "I'M A MOM!" ?? then there's this & this, paired together (& even these shorts if more discretion is needed?). like 99% of women, i just hate shopping for bathing suits. ugh.